God gave me an A
“How often do we stand convinced of the truth of our early memories, forgetting that they are but assessments made by a child?” This is a quote from, his quote is from page 46 of the “Art of Possibility” by rosamund Stone and Zander”>”the Art of Possibility”
How often do we return to the pattern that lead our life in a direction of frustration and anger?
How often do I come to a place in my mind where I will not succeed before I even tried?
I used to be the most fearful person I know.
I used to feel like I would die at any moment.
Lately I have been telling my feelings they are not real.
Meaning they are not based in reality, merely thoughts from my patterns of belief formed through a life lived out of fear. Fear of death, failure, disappointing others, and letting myself down.
Somewhere down the road I lost my competitive edge. I used to want to win the game, then I only wanted people to get along, now I want to create opportunity for growth and change.
In my heart I know we can change, but when I look at the patterns of my life I sometimes feel powerless unto my own self.
For me, this is where God steps into my reality, The Great Other, The Christ Figure of my impersonation. The reason for that description is due to my inability to move past the only prescribed understandings of God through the Bible and the Church.
However, when I look back on the experience of Church I look back with mostly disappointment.
this has got to change. I look for examples of church’s who fail, almost like I want them to prove me right.
what has happened to me?
Have I been so wronged that love and forgiveness, Acceptance and Openness only belong to the “poor” and needy. Like I have the corner on how an organization based around the mission of God should work. Wow, maybe I lost my competitive edge, but I inverted it to a destructive nature.
This has got to change.
So I am giving the Church an A and here is how.
The Church loved me.
I became a youth pastor, because people in the church wanted the best for me.
They along, with family and friends thought i would be good at it.
And I was.
The Church did the best it could to love me the way they believed Christ Did.
That is an amazing Gift.
They gave me life.
I know see the church beyond the walls of the institution and i am in love.
God thanks for giving me an A.
