Honestly, what do you think?

This weekend I was in “the wildwoods” and I was around a majority of people outside of my everyday context. People whom like Nascar, Bud Light, Marlboro Red, the NRA, among other things stereo typical of this demographic.

But wait, we all are apart of a demo graphic and to some extent we are all stereotypical.

Differentiating ourselves in a myth, we create an ego that pulls us outside the everyday reality of who we really are. It is in very brief moments of clarity that our nature is revealed.

Like when we are sick, or scared. The truth is we are HUMAN.

For some people, like myself, who have come out of a conservative Christian worldview this is a scary reality. Why, because God judges the wicked, evil man (HUMAN), and condemns them to death for their wickedness? (This is the philosophy I operated out of for most of my adolescense.)

I would be lying if I said, “I am gracious to myself”. I think the root of this judgment and poor thinking of others comes from a misguided “Christian” world-view.

Today I have been practically reminded of how this worldview of sin, death and judgment affects people in a negative way.

A buddy was talking to me tonight about a concerned friend who wants to make sure, my buddy, still believes the right stuff. Still believing the TRUTH.

The truth is we don’t Know.

The truths in the Gospels are simple. “Die so that you might live.”

*Jesus died is a hard argument to loose.

*Jesus rose again, that is a hard argument to win.

Why is it so important to win?

Jesus lost. His followers lost.

The most compelling part of the story of the Gospels from my reading is that Jesus rose again.

When we see Jesus, do we see a blond haired, blue eyed, white guy, or do we see the person smiling at us across from a craft food booth in Wildwood, (the Wildwoods), with a couple of browned teeth who is doing his best to love.

I want to follow Jesus…

I experienced them through three different peoples unique giftings.

1. Sam at www.dwelldeep.com is a friend who helps me see Jesus in the creative process. This weekend both her and her husband, Rus, visited my wife and I. We sang songs and looked at scetches on her website. She did a drawing a day during a time when her father passsed away. This was an amazing moving experience to wittness her process and expression.

2. Jared Byas who preached at www.branchcreek.org about the “Politics of Jesus”. I had a smile on my face the whole time. He was preaching in a mega church I used to work in on a subject that is not easy. He used language that was evengelical aproachable and I found the text used from Mathew and John inspiring. The words helped me reconnect to time when my faith was more passionate.

3. Bekah Decker from the Livingroom sang a Patty Griffin song “at the top of the world” with me tonight. When you have an oppertunity to experience music that connects to your soul at this depth you know it is a gift from God.

These three experiences led up to a conversation and prayer with my wife, Andrea tonight. This is something that has not taken place in our relationship for a long time. I am so thankful.

Thanks to God the father and Son for the gift of these peoples unique perspectives and amazing abilities.

I love you all very much.

Here is what I find excitting/fun:

1. Creating Jobs: I still can not get over the thought that somehow creating a marketable good in the economy of Specialty Coffee, has given people a place to work. (I get at least one email or call a week for the past several months about job oppertunities. Thankfully it is not up to me or I would hire most people, because I enjoy giving people what they want.)

2. Being apart of Growth: It is a crazy thought that a year ago at this time we had four wholesale customers, now we have five times that. I do not know how good this is in the world of start ups, but according to our B-Plan we are doing well.

3. Something new: What we are doing at One Village Coffee is about building a business that supports Non-Profit work, or causes. This is not a new idea, but in the world of start up specialty coffee roasters it is unique. The fact that the wells we will build this year are connected to friends we have in Nigeria is tremendously fullfilling.

Well, for what it’s worth, that is why I think this Job is fun…

If you are interested in what is not fun about my job, you will have to ask.

There is a lot at work in the world, and I am apart of this work.

Here I am use me

There are many relationships strained and people in real need.

Here i am use me

There is only hope in the belief of God, Creator, Savior and Lord.

Here I am use me.

2.

Fear overwhelms the heart of those who want more than they are given.

Take away all my distraction.

Worry takes the place of hope when time runs out in the day.

Take away all my distractions.

Anxiety plagues the body of the person in need of rest.

Take away all my distractions.

3.

Heaven is here,

Give me eyes to see,

God is near,

Give me ears to hear,

Spirit is calling,

Give me strength to stand.

4.

Where will I go from here,

If all of my pursuits end?

What will I do?

I will be free to live again.
To dream and believe in God.

The maker of all things, the beginning and the end.

Accepting life as hard is relative to ones perspective.

Sometimes my life seems hard.

Here is what is hard about my life:

I work in a start up business with my family and friends.

Sure there are a lot of other facets to what happens in life from day to day, but to break it down. I am in a web of relationships I care deeply about. I am apart of a community that is providing for the needs I have both, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And I am responsible to those relationships. However when those relationships cross and one goes one way and the other goes another there is a cross road.

I am sitting at a personal cross road right now. I will make a decision this next month and see where that leads me. There have been several times in my life I have tried to take a step toward a “calling”. I do not believe in “calling” as I once did. I do believe in desire, need and ability and I believe God is the creator of them all. However, i believe in our humanity and inability to fully know God’s will, that is why I believe in the need for an incarnational God/Jesus. I believe the story because i want to, due to my personal experience and understanding of history, the gospels, the bible, and context.

This is why I believe a old desire is returning:

I have a desire to serve the Church. I have tried many different avenues since i was young, now I am asking what is it I can do now to serve a need in the Church, both locally and globally.

There was a time I wanted to be in church to be known/famous. I still want to be known by the greater Christian community, but I do not want to be famous in it.

There was a time I wanted to start a church. Now I would like to help people find and develop community. I have learned a lot through being in vocational ministry and the past three years of finding my way again.

I am good at entering a mess and seeing God in the beauty. Right now I stand at a cross road conflicted and scared.

God give me strength.

Most of all I enjoy the fact that she accepts me in my raw imperfection and transparency. There is so much to her that goes unnoticed. I need to start recognizing the positive in her. I think that will be my theme for this next year.

Recognize the positive.

I guess i should start now:

Today we were working out, oh yeah I forgot to mention, we are doing this 90 day work out. When we complete this program it will be the most disciplined thing I have done since Volleyball in High School. This work out is effective. It has been a philosophical shift for me on how I view my body.

I treat myself as though this being was created in a day and can change in a day. Here is the thing, it took nine months and then it took another fifteen to twenty to develop. So much of my philosophy in life has been to accomplish.

Accomplish driven:

Focussed on achieving a goal. This work out is perfect I have a goal. My goal is to complete the 90 days. That is all I think about. I eat right, so that I have energy to complete the work out. I treat my body differently because it has become a tool in the completion of a goal.

Here is the difference. I do not have a goal of how much weight to loose or what i should look like. I just believe that at the end of 90 days I will be different. And I have accepted that I do not know how to change my physical habits but i need someone to help.

Andrea is a huge reason why I will finish my 90 days. It is time to work with her on accomplishing other tasks at hand. I think that is why it is so hard for us as a couple, sometimes. We are both goal oriented and want to accomplish things even at the risk of each others feelings.

When my goals are broad like, “be married”, I often forget the important things like, listen, do the laundry, clean up, turn off the lights, etc.

I would like to be more aware of her needs and more present… Writting helps.

I see a lot of changes when drive…

Today I noticed several business’s closing. One of them was a theater, the other was a furniture store. (Why do furniture stores always go out of business?)

My answer is, IKEA.

Recently I furnished my living room with the gift from George Bush for all of those who support the war or pay taxes. Actually I do not know why we got money, but like a consumer I went and spent it.

This is the first time in my life my wife, Andrea and I furnished a room in one of our space with stuff we like. In the past we would fill it with stuff we thought we should buy, like a good married couple. Tonight one of my friends was over and he said, “your apartment does not feel like a married couple lives here. It feels like one of you are single.” I later commented that I am not sure if he meant that is a positive or negative. I guess we no longer fill our space with “married” peoples stuff.

Space matters, and if I am going to live in it, I would like to enjoy where I live. (hey look I am even blogging because of the space I am in right now)

This Past weekend my friend Josh Smith and wife Gina Smith came up from Maryland to celebrate his graduation from .

Friday evening Jared Byas , Josh and I sat on the upper porch off my “man room” to be… and spoke of our dreams to develope community to see trasformation of culture and lives for the betterment of the the world.