Scott Hackman

So I have been thinking a lot about this title of my blog…

I do not like it anymore… (Any suggestions?)

Here is why:

Every month since December I face a goal that seems larger than my capability to fulfill. There is a sense of fear all around me and I wake up with my heart racing. It is that moment when I think:

I need a drink.
What if we don’t make it?
How will we reach our goal?

Then I start to process these feelings and thoughts.

I fight the feeling of rage.
I become paralyzed by the amount of work before me.
Then I try to numb my feelings.
This has never worked.

I think it is time to confront the basic fear of humanity.

Death, the end of it all, or is it a new beginning.
One day I will find out.

Till then there is a practical need to be met and I have accepted the responsability. What is funny about this free verse i just wrote, is that I am talking about sales goals… These goals are based on the bottom line of helping people, yet I act as though i can not help myself.

Here is what has helped;

1. A return to the Spiritual formation that healed me once before; the desire to have a relationship with Christ.

However, I do not know how anymore. I think it is in reading and understanding the simple concept and impossibility of the Gospel, then By faith taking a step toward the belief that The Kingdom has come and will come again, at any moment someone can lay their life down for another and in the moment the Kingdom is revealed.

2. Cooking; I love grilling and preparing meals for people. (If you are interested let me know.) I realized with a little investment in healthy, tasty food, I feel better about my responsibility to my body.

3. Planning; I love planning for the future and seeing dreams realized. I believe we were created to become more fully alive and in that experience of reconciliation to the Creator we experience the Kingdom; healing, hope and the fulfillment of the Story. I am not the end…

4. A new apartment; Moving into a space where the ceiling is nine feet high. Recently, Andrea and I moved in the apt. Off the back of my parents house. They gave me the greatest gift, allowing us to pick the colors and carpet. This may be the greatest contribution to the expression of who I am. I love interior expression through design.

5. Community; I realized recently that the “living room” which is a group of individuals practicing simple communal activities once a week that reflect the call of the Gospels. Caring for the inward and outward needs of the greater community, sharing a meal, playing a game, listening to a story, hearing a teaching, singing a song, confronting a difference, embracing the discomfort in another person, helping each other experience the Kingdom.

6. Movies; I love movies more than books. I am picky about what I watch, and some of the best stories have helped me recently like;
This is a story that begs the question, “what if mental illness is a way for the person to communicate?” What if the person suffering needs the illness? What if the suffering is processing? What if a community embraced all of the person even the illness it self?

7. Family; I have the pleasure of working with my family to realize a dream. A coffee company that supports community development; community of communities, connecting the disconnected people of the under developed world through the industry of coffee.