Confessions of *Failure and Success

To Fire Yourself

Recently, I have had the privilege of transitioning our Sales team into three categories.  when we were done the transition I realized a simple reality:  There needs to be a new category for OVC to grow…

One Village Coffee has grown organically and it has always had an experimental factor to our development, but with out the team this would not be possible.  The relationships and partnerships we develop along the way are the key factors to growth and sustainability.  When looking at our relationships and our team it was clear certain people belonged in specific positions and I had to get out of the way.  Any one on our team would tell you this is not an easy task for me to accomplish.  I might have a bit of OCD or mania that provides my neurotic nature with just enough fuel to keep me “hands” on.  However,  any expert in the face of growth would tell you, “if someone can do it better than you than have them do the job.”

What was left providing me with a high level of anxiety, because without stuff to do, I needed to find new oppertunities to build relationships in the coffee culture.  The part left was the area most enter in first: Coffee Shops.  Most people get into this business because of their passion for the brew, I entered this world becasue of my passion to create community and possibilities for new catagories of business.  Ways to build equity, while solving social issues like poverty in small villeges around the world.

I believe in the power of groups of individuals and organizations working together to raise value in the exchange of goods and services while providing tools necessary for economic growth of human capital in overlooked and under resourced community’s like what I experience in Nigeria.

Long story short, I have contemplated firing myself for the past several months for the sake of the growth of OVC’s Mission.  Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who is the President of a local insurance company in my town.  He is in his early 30’s and has a lot of wisdom, his answer was simple after I asked him what he thought:  “I do not think firing yourself is in the job description”.

Since then I have come to believe I have personal weaknesses in the area of competition, this was found out after a recent Volleyball match in my junior high gymnasium.  I looked at pictures of my fellow classmates from over 15 years ago.  In that moment, it seemed evident: I am one of those guys who has been given a lot and when my whole person is on the line. I tend to give up.

This is not the time to give up…

Leadership is a Choice

I was told, “you are a natural leader” when I was younger.  I now believe we all lead, some of us lead well.

I have lead best out of areas of strength, not weakness.  Lately, I have lead out of weakness, this looks like leading out of fear for me.

Leadership has become a four letter word in most circles.  This is unfortunate, because it really is needed in society.  The fact is most people in leadership like power, and the best leaders use power to effect positive change and bad leaders use power to make their situation better.

Overwhelmed and underpaid

The other night I was thinking about how much money my wife and I used to make when we lived in TX.  I had a job as a Youth Pastor and Andrea worked in HR at a large company.  We have consistently made less money every year after we moved back from TX.

I can see looking back how we have made our life hard finatially.  I used to believe that to be in God’s will you had to suffer.  This lead me to a martyr world view that produced suffering. There is enough pain in the world, it does not need me to create more.

I now believe we make choices, based on our values.  Over the past several years I have made it clear that I do not value financial security.  I no longer feel this way.  I can now relate to most Americans.

Can I get a re-write?

There is enough beauty in the world to be happy,

There is enough pain in the world not to be sad.

Discovering ones self and finding joy in the moment is my true quest.

I have lived most of my life with a “win/loose” philosophy.  There is something about this way of thinking I do not like.  Lately, I have been entrenched in a kind of war like mentality, which seems ironic for a 29 year old man who was raised pacifist, with strong Mennonite history.  Either way, I have decided my world view is not enjoyable.

Who wants to go through life like people are out to kill them?  Who wants to wake up in the morning to a shot gun start of win or loose?  I do not.

The time has come to re-write my script, the internal monolauge which goes on most of the day.

09 is a good time to grow

I like the end of a year and the beginning of another.

I have some resolutions, but they never seem to matter, goals do…

The small steps toward wholeness, the completion of a task and the shaping of another.

Lately, I have been witness to hard times in relationships and I think that there is a depth to the human experience often forgotten.

Life does not get easier.  Each day, each passing moment is a reminder of what’s to come…

Even the most fabulous lives in the world are not what they seem, we all create a reality outside of ourselves and look in on others to find who we really are.  Even when we look at God or look for God, we can only understand that reality in part.

What is wild to me, is even after all the pain, and the pain to come, I still believe…

Because I want to, because there is something in my mind and in my experience that says God is love and he is best understood from my vantage point of Jesus.

I still like the church, in fact, I have been looking for a church for over a month now.  What I am coming to believe is that I am all ready apart of a church and I am looking for validation of my identity in God/Christ/the church.

What I am finding is that I can not go back, I have come to far and scene to much to go back, but I can move forward, one small step at a time, into the great unknown.

Thank you Sam and Russ

A weekend in NYC

the upper room

Paul taught me how to let go, Aaron taught me why OVC matters, and Anne questioned our local impact: One of the best nights in a long time...

meeting with friends

The past two days I have been able to spend time with friends.

Unfortionatly this is rare for me and becoming scarce as the business grows.

The problem is simple:  One Village Coffee is about helping a community internationally, but I continually become more compelled to develop community locally.  Simply stated: I believe relationships are the foundation for change, the kind of change that is sustainable.

The kind of feeling you get when you listen to Sigur Ros on a ride home, with the full moon guiding your way.

Sunday I drove around my town stoping at six different places with a dear friend, who was brave enough to start this venture with me.  We were looking for a place to share a drink and catch up on life.  Even though we work together, rarely do we spend time listening to eachothers lives.

Sunday was a meaningful night…

Today I had the oppertunity to meet up with some new friends three different business people in my area.  During my time with them, I started to realize how significant relationships are and how little time I spend developing them since I started this business.

I feel like I have to do everything in my power to make this thing work.  I have a deep fear that if I take my eyes off the task at hand, the whole thing will crumble.

However, in my quest to solve a specific social issue through business, I have personally suffered.  I have become lopsided in my perspective of purpose.  The reality is, even if and when what I am apart of completes something significant, that is not the most important thing in life, that is not my identity.  My identity is somewhere between what people see and what I see in myself.

Here is where I live, somewhere in the tension of significance to myself and significance to others.  This is where I need another perspective.  A God’s eye view, which I know is impossible, but I desire non the less.  I desire a God, bigger than my reality, bigger than my identity. Something to worship more than a cause, a being to believe beyond myself.

I have begun a journey to the center of all things.

Building a brand

This is not an easy task…

Lately I have spent most of my time telling the story of one village coffee and sampling to people who have yet to tasted the brew.

Here is what I have found:

People want to support something more than a product.  The people who use their spending power to buy One Village are doing it out of a desire to build a community of change.

When I was a youth pastor I was trying to build a brand of my own image, I now find myself working inside a market around the idea of using commerce to solve social problems.  The problem we are directly involved with is that of poverty.

The question that pleagues people much smarter than me:  Why does Capitalism not work in underdeveloped countries?

I have my beliefs which are limited to my experience an understanding, coming from a white middle class perspective.  Although my struggles have mostly been interpersonal or pyschological, I have had the luxury of such a challenge, when most of the world is looking for food.

Now a large majority of Americans are looking for work.

The tension I feel in building a brand that represents social change + value given to poor communities.  Life valued as human dignity and value quantitatively given outside the realm of the traditional bottom line.

This is the tension of building a brand like One Village Coffee.  A brand that needs others to believe in outside of myself.  People who purchase the coffee and tell the story is a desire.  The role I play in our collective, is becoming increasingly important and here are the questions I have:

Who are the people who want to do this with us?

Where are the channels of networks that will help to grow this cause across our country?

How do I mobolize, those who are involved and want to be involved in a greater way?

My Dad is in Nigeria 7.22.08

My Dad is in Nigeria and he sends me messages from his phone everyday reporting on the trip. When he is in Africa the life he leads makes sense.

He talks a lot about the Children who will now go to school because of the work being done in the village. The times of prayer and celebration taking place along with simple times of meals prepared over an open fire or walks to get fresh water are moments of joy.

I enjoy how simple his messages are:

There are some simple things I take for granted and am reminded of them when I watch him live.

1. Playing is easy, it is easier to play than fight.
(I see this in the way he interacts with underprivileged children here and abroad)

For my father service is not a duty, it is a privilege. Service is something held to the highest value when it comes to how we should interact with the poor. The type of service we give must be contextually appropriate to the individual or community. For example, in Nigeria he will interact with Balloons and laughter with the children in the village who spend most of their time working or surviving. Education is what most of the children want, they will work if given the chance.

In the States my father has mentored a boy for most of this child’s life. This boy does not have a father and his mother never had the skills to nurture him. Most recently, my Dad told me of a long conversation where this teen told him he was Bi-sexual. My Dad listened with an nonjudgmental ear as this boy described the feelings of isolation and loneliness.

When I listen to my father, when I watch his life, I am so thankful to know him.

You see I used to be a youth pastor, I was going to change the world. Now I struggle to change the lightbulb, with out my wife, most things I start would never be completed.